>Living in a Lonely Life Alone<

It been 2 year since i been rejected by a couple of gals...so i decide to start a new life in the early of January 2009..i had all my friends back with me we all started enjoying happy moment so that i can forget about my past and never think about having any relationship..but i everytime got few friends will look down on me saying i dunno thing even do i help them so much...even they trying to say i a stupid person...cannot even have a plan to work or go to study.Never say somebody else like that if you ownself doing the same and everything saying rubbish stuff at msn.Since after the last celebration of having heniken for a farewell then the next day they all went back to continue they journey of study..then i be left all alone again at malacca...till 1 of my church friend call me to join this camp call Faith,Fun and Friendship.. at first i didnt want to go...but then after being bored alone at home everyday...waiting all for my friends to come back from KL,Sabah and Selangor..then i decide to give it a shot to have a chance to make new friends...so the day came when i looking forward...in the church they were few of them very good even greet us..even they dont know me...and some of them also were talking mandarin that i couldn't understand totally... you know what i mean...then later i met this gal i saw she were everytime smiling at me...even in the bus we sit together to go kuala selangor...even everyday also when i look at here she will smile at me...like some kind of eye contact....i did ask her for her phone number...but that time she gave me her sis number...so i everytime try to contact her and look for her...and soon later she bought the same phone with me...kind of nice...soon on i told her i admire her then few days she ask me to just be friends ... then came to a few month later... my aunty and her family from sweden coming to malacca..she also support and sponcer me to go langkawi for 3 days holiday..i agree to go...before the next day going to kl...i went with my church friends for badminton and swimming...but then when i go back to rest..i was sick and tired...at night i with my dad and my aunty from johor travel to selangor and stay my elder bro house..
The Next Day, i follow my bro to fetch my aunty and her family from the airport...i really glad to see them again..because it been few year never see time...espically my cousin and his dad...we all went to eat and also then came back to have a rest..but then i was totally sick and suffering ...the next day i couldn't get to langkawi with my aunty...what a miss trip and really sad i didnt get to go because of sick...my dad came to take care of me for at least 1 week i sick...he bring me to see the doctor...and doctor give me medicine...but then the medicine like no effect...then we went again the next day...because i was really badly suffer like 1 want to die...another new doctor appear...but he give me injuction at my ass...because it say that i had a high fever...i thought it was a h1n1 if not i sure be dead by now...we went home...hoping i can get cure soon as possible...but then i still could get well.then i went for a blood test..is show my blood still ok..but only my padlets drop went down a bit...then a person so caring msg me...she ask me how is me..and she was also sick that time...but i pray for her to get well soon..then the next day my dad didnt know what to do because he could'nt sleep then he fetch me back to malacca...and went to see doctor that i everytime go since i was small is was call Dr Lim and Tan...a great and nice doctor..after taking his medicine i feel better and had recover slowly...if it was a half day recover only...then i had the msg from her again...she ask me to come her school to watch her performance ..she was the big sis of the gal that i like during the camp call faith fun and friendships...but then i was sick again...couldn''t move and was sick about almost 2 week...then i told her if i ok then i will go if i not feel then i cannot make it...even do it didnt go...on sunday at church she even change place with her cousin and to sit beside me...after church we had a trip call going to zoo organise by shirlynn pu..she was going so i decide to go and after that we had a lunch before we our meeting start she ask me to why i sit so far...that was a part of my life i really had in love and like her only other didn't know ...it strike my feeling just like that...but she had a bf already that was my friend...so everytime i see she alone i try to talk to her or i got sometime call her or sms with her...till my friends say you want ask me to go ahead..maybe i not that patience i think...even few of my friends know that i like her...then we were going a camp call Leadership camp the theme is Cornerstone camp at johor...it was very fun i make new friends...and i also everytime was very worry about her and trying to get close to her as much as possible...but my friends everytime disturb so i got shy..then i everytime seek for advise from my friends..they ask me to take step by step...even do when i see her talk with other guys i kind of feel jealous...i slowly became emo and feeling sad..and slowly i kind of see after she know i like her...she like kind of avoiding me...i feel like a bad person and everytime couldn't stop thinking of her and worry and care for her so much...everytime jealous...like i losing her...it like what i saw in my vision i saw myself fail the in future...and also i saw that i were very sad and lost everything in my life completly...now time already i get to know she still love her bf....even do he got other gf...i cannot make or force a person to love me...maybe God does want me to have now...maybe not the right time for me to have it...Maybe some day God see i ready then he will show me the way..and this might be the begining of my life fail and where i suffering..